Mosquito Defence Mission
Mosquitoes. I detest those blood sucking monsters whose purpose on this planet shall be punished with indifference. There are enough insects that I am not particularly fond of but which do not cross my way or seek contact anyway. But mosquitoes try very hard to get in touch. Their pertinent manner leading to annoyance and eventually to the well organised Mosquito Defence Mission or short MDM. We are two active participants but growing in numbers.
If you want to become an active member of MDM, then this is what you should do:
-Vow to defend your kind from the Malaria spreading insect.
Having travelled Asia some 15 years ago we took Lariam (Mefloquine hydrochloride) which is a strong prophylactic drug that has psychedelic side effects turning our dreams into daily nightmares, but there was no teeth or hair fall out or any other of the hundreds of possible side effects. Nowadays malaria is almost non existent in many parts of Thailand, especially Bangkok and even Koh Samui, so thankfully no drug intake any more.
-Vow to never again suffer from itching red spots all over your body.
Mosquitoes just do not stick to any behavioural ethics and have very bad eating habits feasting even of feet or face.
Invest into professional MDM gear:
1. Mosquito net. Will keep those buggers away while you sleep. For only 195 Baht we got a king size one at Tesco Koh Samui.
2. Mosquito coil. A superb invention that actually works. We usually place one lit coil behind our chairs when working late or in front of the open door to our room to extend sea view and let some sea breeze in.
3. Mosquito lotion. Will do with at least 13% DEET – that is a pretty heavy chemical repellent but does the job – and melts my nail polish when putting the lotion on. Oh, well can’t have everything.
Practise professional MDM techniques:
1. The knock-out clap. When clapping your hands (most likely to crush the enemy) sometimes (if you happen to miss the perpetrator) the power of the clap makes them unconscious or they even die!
2. The deodorant death. You need a lighter and one of your least favourite deodorants to produce a flame that will grill the beast.
3. The deadly surprise. Using slippers, maps or some alike weapon, activate your quickest reflexes to smash the mosquito. This technique will leave the biggest mess at the crime scene but one vicious mosquito less is always better than one left.
Keep in mind that the Tiger mosquito type found in Asia is by no means comparable to the naive easy target European mosquito. The Tiger mosquito knows all the tricks to make your body miserable. First of all, it will not sit on huge white or bright surfaces but hide on dark and black grounds. If there is a nail in the white wall it will be there. If you have dark cupboards or open suitcases with black garments then it will take that space so as to be least visible to your eye. It also does not behave like the European mosquito flying conveniently at your sight level. Instead, it is used to fly low, therefore looking down and after your legs is a good advise. Good luck!
The MDM welcomes further suggestions and ideas :)
Hm. White or blue? Tomek with our mosquito defence goods at Tesco in Koh Samui .
Working on the mosquito net. Notice the small bottles of mosquito lotion in the left corner. Oh, and the Nori (Japanese seaweed) energy source in Tomek’s mouth. We are very well equipped.
It’s a done deal. Notice again the rewarding Nori sheet being consumed by Tomek and the rest of the huge package in his hand. Nori helps a lot when installing mosquito defence systems :)
Sometimes lamps and other interior have to make up for hooks.
Mosquito coils at the sliding terrace door.
Lit and standing on a small metal holder – it works a bit like joss sticks, except that the smoke keeps flying intruders out. The smell is not so bad as of some incense scents.
Small and smart. Watch out for heroic mosquitoes making it into the net with you.